A Circular Pattern

I sometimes think I am more male than female, certainly in the traditional ideas of how men and women tend to behave conflict my own patterns. For example in addition to hating shopping, I also hate talking on the phone. If you look at the call history on my phone there is no calls which are longer in duration than ‘I’m home open the gate, catch the dogs’ etc.)

If people ring me and want to talk to me I am happy to talk, but do not expect me to initiate the call. If you want to communicate via FB, Twitter, BBM or any other technical interface then I am your girl. Phones? Actually speaking? Pffft. Rather invite me for a drink and we can have actual face time.

So when I awoke to an SMS from one of my best mates which said ‘I managed to avoid a hijacking and whatever could accompany that, stabbing etc last night, leaving hout bay. Canada calls.’ I just thought she meant she had seen some nonsense on the roads, and as there had been a shooting in the township the same night and we had what sounded like dozens of sirens running up and down the road to Constantia, added to by a boat capsizing in the harbour the next day and the resulting chaos of the sea rescue I just thought she was exaggerating.

I responded back asking what had happened and where, but added on that crime happens all over the world – I have had more crime happen to me in the UK than in SA.

I had no response until that evening when she messaged back to say ‘Thanks for your concern.’ I was a bit shocked as I had assumed that if there was anything major going on she would have rung me.

I guess that my avoidance of phones is no excuse when a friend is in need.

We had a friend who is over from Ireland round at ours for drinks, so I went upstairs and rang her. I apologised for being a rubbish friend. She sobbed that she feels very alone and that she wants to go to Canada. For once I bit my tongue, kept my opinions to myself and tried to comfort her.

But in my usual Virgo straightforwardness I wanted to say to her that she needs to look at why she is always so unhappy.

She lived in Johannesburg, she was not happy so she immigrated to Canada. She was not happy in Canada, so she emigrated back to SA and came to Cape Town to live. She is now contemplating going back to Canada as she is unhappy in Cape Town and feels all alone.

The problem is that she is not happy within herself, and she is the only common denominator in all of those moves. You cannot run from yourself. How can I discuss this with her without hurting her? I’m not sure whether I should even try…..but it is hard to see someone running when you know they are more than likely just running in circles?