Kings & Monsters

What a mad chaotic week this has been. We still have our visitor ‘J’ so Mr K is spending most days driving him round here there and everywhere. (which reminds me I missed out an item in my good houseguest list – here is item 11 – 'Rent a Car so you are independent')

My son’s partner flew off to work on Tuesday (she works on oil rigs and yes she is a girl :D). My son was going to come down to visit us, but then he heard through the grapevine (i.e. his sisters) that his room was occupied, so he decided not to come. I see him so seldom as he works such long hours and I was rather disappointed, but he came down last night so at least I did get to spend a little bit of time with him, but the room being occupied just added another reason for ‘J’ to annoy me.

We were trying to organize a route plan to and from the Kings of Leon concert which would mean less walking for me and my dodgy hip and not having to wait forever for a bus. We decided to go in via drop and ride shuttle and then have ‘J’ leave the car in Mouille Point and we could walk to it. So J dropped us at the shuttle and off we went. It was efficient and organized, no queues, we walked straight into the stadium, no hassles no missions.

We had to split up on arrival as Trevor and Lily had standing tickets and Cait, MrK & I were seated. We sat munching pizza and watching the opening acts. I enjoyed all of them except the last band, possibly because they were singing in Afrikaans and I hadn’t a clue what they were saying. I really loved the BLack Hotels.

I was amazed at the amount of young girls running around nearly naked. I was in a sweater and a rain jacket and was bloody freezing! They must have been fuelled with booze heat.

A group of women arrived just before the Kings came on, already a bit wobbly on their feet and each had 2 pints which they began to suck down as if they had been stranded in a desert. When I was a teenager a concert was seen as the chance to get absolutely wrecked – not sure why but we thought that way but we did. Now that I am old and wizened (yes I deliberately chose that word rather than wise cause it makes me lol) I realize that you will not remember the concert or enjoy it near as much if you are off your face. Add queuing for the loo constantly and I just don't see the point.

The ladies next to us were busy snogging the face off of each other and just proceeded to get more and more wobbly on their feet, returning every few minutes with piles of pints again and again. Inevitably one of them threw her beer – it went flying up on the ‘yeahhhh’ of ‘Sex on Fire’ and came down to soak the 2 wee girls in front of us who were there with their parents.

Their Mom had seen this (and probably got a bit wet herself) and calmly tried to remove the partially filled cup from the drunk lesbian’s hand, then drunk lesbian grabbed it back, SuperMom told drunk lesbian what had happened and so drunk lesbian stood up and started to pour the remainder of her beer over the girl’s heads. SuperMom was not having any of that and then threw it back in drunk lesbian’s face. Then all of drunk lesbian’s friends started just wandering off. One was so drunk she climbed up over the seats to get out when she was only 3 seats away from the aisle. It took 2 men to pull her up one row so fuck knows how she got all the way out, much less home.

So now we are down to the single militant drunken lesbian who turned to my daughter and kept getting right in her face to ask ‘did I throw beer on those kids’? over and over as only a drunk can do. Cait told her to just sit down and shut up which she did. I wonder if any of them remember the concert or if they even managed to find their way home.

The concert ended and we made our way out. We had not made proper meet up plans for Trev and Lily so were trying to communicate via BBM as the noise was unbearable on a phone.

We kept trying to talk them to where we were but I suspect they had been at the beers and were not capable of following orders, so after standing for 5 hours they then managed to walk all the way down the main road, ending up god knows where. They then told us they were back at the bus – so we told them just to get on it and we’d pick them up in Hout Bay.

We got home by midnight but of course we all piled up on my bed, dissecting the concert and our night so only got to sleep after 1.

Tonight I am getting a mani pedi, then Friday we have to put together our party play list. Saturday morning I am having my hair done, hopefully like this:

And then Saturday is the Halloween party. I am so looking forward to it, let’s hope it is a hit.

Sunday I hope to be functional enough to go on the Zombie Walk in town, but I don't want to be too ambitious. Whatever you are doing, I hope you enjoy your weekend too.

House Rules

This blog is my place to vent, my place to analyse my emotions and the only little place which is mine. All mine. So anyone who doesn’t want to know what is in my head should look away now. This means you Mr. Kitten. Because Mr. Kitten if you are reading this I suggest you stop, if you do continue I suspect that we will only fall out.

We currently have a house-guest, who I will call ‘J’. He is a friend of Mr. Kitten from way back. He has known him longer than I have. I only heard he was coming shortly before he arrived and only found out the duration of his stay AFTER he arrived. I know that we live far away from our European friends, and I know that most of the cost of the holiday is in the flight, especially when we provide free accommodation. This means that most people think that since they come ‘all this way’ they should stay as long as they can.

In light of this I have a few guidelines for being a welcome houseguest, these are nothing extreme and the same things I do when I am a houseguest.

1.       Go with when the family does their weekly shop and contribute if you are not in position to pay for a full week.

2.       Take your hosts out for dinner at least once.

3.       As your host is more than likely driving you all over SA, offer to put in for at least one tank of petrol.

4.       If your hosts are driving YOU somewhere on a tourist jaunt, and you go through a toll – pay the effing toll! After all this trip is for your benefit.

5.       If you drink endless cups of tea, rinse and use the same cup.

6.       If you can’t be arsed to adhere to item 5 above, then at least take the dirty cups to the sink and give them a rinse. (we do not have a dishwasher)

7.       Do the dishes if you are home alone and everyone is out at work (again, I have no dishwasher)

8.       If you go out with your hosts for dinner, pay your share. I didn’t adopt you, I didn’t give birth to you and I am not your sugarmama. Deal with it.

9.       If you have a tendency towards alcoholism, go to the bottle store and buy your own booze.

10.   And last and foremost, do not slag off the accommodation you have been given for FREE!

If you do not know me personally you have probably made a judgment that I am not very hospitable or welcoming, but those who do know me know that I am not like that. In the UK my friends always called me  ‘the hostest with the mostest’ and my parties were notorious for lasting several days.

Those close to me know I may not be very domesticated.  My friends laugh that if they want to find anything in my kitchen they either ask my domestic or my husband because I will not have a clue! Suffice it to say I will not hop out of bed to make you a big fry up because you decided to crash on my couch after a dinner party. But if you do decide on an impromptu sleep over I will be happy to send Mr K to the shops to buy us all a box of donuts and croissants. (Just make sure to put your cup in the sink)

Blame it On the Moon

This morning I read a blog which got me thinking about something my daughter C. asked me last night. She asked me whether with all of the bi-polar members in our family, do I ever feel like maybe I am bi-polar? (Can a person ‘be’ bi-polar, or do you ‘suffer from’ bi-polar?) Either way you know what I mean so let’s move on.

My daughter probably has reason for concern, he father suffers badly from depression, I didn’t realize that was what I was dealing with when we were married but that is what it is. If he doesn’t take his meds he can barely get out of bed. I could barely get him IN bed but that is a different show Jerry. *wink*

C. has been unfortunate in that every genetic ‘defect’ in our bloodlines has manifested in her. I can understand her always analyzing her emotions to identify whether they are just ‘normal’ emotions or whether she is off the chart of ‘normality’. She has always been a volatile child. She is just wired that way – personally I do not think she is bipolar.

If I have to come up with a label, it is ‘passionate’. And that she definitely inherits from me. My first reaction to most new things is usually out of proportion to the incident – I tend to get in early with my attack rather than wait and try defense. I know this is a legacy from my 1st marriage – throughout that marriage I was a victim. (I hate that word but nothing else fits) I only reacted to the volatility that was swirling around me. I did not dare to stick my head above the parapet and state my feelings or viewpoints; it may have led to a punch or a heated attack. So I was conditioned into withdrawing into my shell, keeping all of my emotions under wraps.

Perhaps that is why now I really struggle to do that – if I am upset I have to voice it to the person who has upset me. I cannot just swallow it all down and carry on regardless. Unsaid words are like poison seeping into my bloodstream.

Today is a perfect example. Every year our family has a huge Halloween party. It is planned for months in advance, we spend a lot of money and we make a lot of effort. Maybe it is my American blood, maybe it is my ancestor’s witchery coming through, but Halloween is my favorite holiday. There is something about people dressing up in fancy dress which loosens people’s inhibitions and can make for a very festive party.

Anyway, my party has been planned for months. I had told my key group of girls the date months ago. So I was very surprised when they all come back to say they are busy when I post the event invites. They are all invited to another party. I know they have the right to go to whatever takes their fancy, but to me if a good friend invites you to something you go. Period. Even if something ‘better’ comes along.

Maybe that is where I am going wrong, I expect too much, or I am too sensitive. But I treat people the way I want to be treated, I hate to disappoint people. And maybe even that is a bit narcissistic, maybe they wouldn’t even mind whether I show up or not?

I’ve just received my astrology email for the month and it says: ‘Over the next couple days, your emotions will be so up and down, you'll feel like you've jumped on a cosmic see-saw. Don't fret too much though ... it'll all end on a high note!’

So for today, I’ll blame it on the moon.

 

That explains the headaches

Today has not turned out anything like I planned it. I had an appointment with the dental hygienist this morning before work. The dentist really freaks me out. When I was 5 I had a dentist bitch-slap me across the face, then when I was living in LA I had a dental nurse physically jump on me and lie across my face to hold me down for an injection, nearly suffocating me in the process – that pretty much knocked the final nail in the coffin of that phobia. Or is it the other way round, it ripped the nails out?

But I kept reasoning with myself that it was just a cleaning and how bad could it be? Well it started with her telling me I am her only American client who doesn’t floss. I floss OK?! Just not that often lol.
She then chiseled and chopped and sandblasted her way round my mouth, then set me on my way. My GP is in the same complex and I needed to get some forms filled in for my life insurance and my doc had been nagging for a cholesterol check for months, so as I had not eaten I thought I would pop in quick and get these things sorted.

I went into the pathology office first and explained to them that I needed blood work for my insurance company as well as the GP and the receptionist said I needed a form from the GP so off I go to that office, explain it all to them and then they have me wait. They then get another form from the GP and send me off back to the pathology office. I get taken in and tell them I have rubbish veins and she manages after a few attempts to get a vein. I noticed she only took one vial but I didn’t ask any questions.

I then go back to the waiting room and she says, ‘oh no are you supposed to get blood work done for that?’ ‘Errr yes as I spent ages explaining to you, yes.’ She said, ‘well you should have said, now you have to get stuck again’. Well I then said to them, “I explained all of this to your receptionist, do you not speak to each other before you go poking needles in people?”

Then the practice nurse comes in, calls my name and then starts slamming around the room in a huff expecting me to follow. I just stood still and asked what is up? She then flounced off and got the scales and said, you don’t mind weighing in here do you? Let me think, do I want all of reception to know how much I weigh? Hell No! Regardless she then threw the scales on the floor and I obediently hopped on. She then said out loudly and clearly what my weight was. Then she trots off to another room and tells me to follow her, I walked in but there was a patient on the bed! She had me come in and stand against the wall to get my height done. I felt embarrassed for the man lying on the bed, as well as myself.

She was giving me so much attitude and at this point I was being calm. Then she scribbled the info on my form and just walked off. I went back to reception in the surgery and asked what I needed to do next. The receptionist asked what happened to the nurse and said she needed to take my blood pressure and I said fine, she then went looking for the stroppy nurse again who was huffing round the room as if someone had taken a poop in her cornflakes, no idea what her issue was. I told the receptionist I would rather not deal with the nurse, she asked why and I said she was rude and acted as if I was an inconvenience when in fact I am a patient and pay for them to provide me with a service. By the time I finished telling her this I had worked myself into such a state I had the whole waiting room staring at me like I had 2 heads.

As you can imagine this was probably not the best time to get my blood pressure taken.

It was 170/100 which is very very high. The receptionist then said the nurse had to take it as she didn’t think that could be right?! The nurse took me off to another room, lay me down and took it again. It was the same. She said “are you feeling stressed” at which I thought my head might explode. I told her that the chaos in the office and the attitude of the staff had stressed me. She said I was not allowed to drive with such high BP. I told her I was going to work, she said I wasn’t I had to see the doctor. I knew the doctor was out on a house call so I thought I would be waiting ages. But he happened to come back as I sat down and they squeezed me in. I told him what had happened and he looked ready to weep – he asked me please to put it all in writing which led me to think he has had issues with her before.

He kept me there for almost an hour, lying down. He kept taking my BP every few minutes until it dropped sufficiently for me to go home. He then nagged about my not getting my hip down as my meds are known to cause high blood pressure. I made an appointment to go back in a week for him to check it again as he said he cannot send in the forms with that BP on it or they will increase my fees ridiculously.

Feck. I did suspect my BP was up as I have had some lightheadedness and some moments where I can feel my BP pumping when I am stressed. But I hope it goes back down before next week I really do not want to go on long term meds......deep breathing and relaxation is on my agenda this week. Maybe now I am officially old I am just falling apart? I'll just start dropping off bits of me like a leper? Let's hope my saddlebags go first.

A Change in Perspective

I was chatting with a friend who was saying that whenever he gets stressed, he asks himself, 'How Important Is It'? I know that I have a tendency towards hysteria. It is genetic, my Mom is a hysteric, her Mom was a hysteric...you get the idea. My daughters appear to have the same affliction unfortunately.

So I am trying to change my reactions to life in small subtle ways. Like asking myself is it really that important when I get wound up and taking a step back if it isn't. Sometimes making a big deal out of something minor just ends up taking it in a way it would not have naturally gone if we had just let the universe direct it at will.

I also know that I get back what I put out in the world, If I go through life being grumpy and miserable then I will get negativity back. If I greet the world with a smile and a friendly demeanour then the world will respond in the same way. If I am loving to Mr Kitten, I receive this back tenfold.

I see what power I can wield with my emotions, I see this with the way my daughter can create such animosity and chaos in our home just by her moods. She is my mini-me mirror who is helping me to grow myself into what I want to be.

I had a weekend of such relaxation and fun, and last night I had one of my moments of pure bliss. I do not think that people can understand how I feel unless they have walked in my shoes. Most women marry, have kids, raise those kids and then the kids move out. My life was not meant to follow that path. I think I have finally gotten to a place where I no longer beat myself up about my fuck ups in my past.

I am not saying I didn't fuck up - I did. In an extraordinary fashion. But the path my life took is the path the universe and my ancestors intended for me. It took me through a hell of a lot of pain and despair and unhappiness to get here. But that pain was due to being away from my children, and my children turned out so strong and so healthy and fabulous regardless, so any guilt or bad feelings I have towards myself are so unnecessary, they just drag me down.

The universe has given me a chance now to build a strong relationship with my girls, they both live with me full time and I am so grateful about this. Even if they wake me in the middle of the night coming in, if they are grumpy and moody, it doesn't matter. I am living the life I always dreamed of with my daughters living with me, happy with a wonderful husband, a lovely home and a job that supports it all.

Another of my new methods to increase my gratitude is to picture my life without the very thing which I take for granted or which annoys me. So I spent a weekend doing this - the trigger might be getting annoyed at my husband leaving his towel on the floor. But then I think 'would I rather have his towel on my floor, or have him not be in my life?' It puts the small insignificant things in perspective - he is so good to me and my girls.

When I got incredibly annoyed about having to do a weekend's worth of dishes on Sunday morning, I changed my thought pattern to 'these dishes are from my husband cooking a delicious meal for me and the girls on Friday' and I happily washed them. OK maybe not happily....but less grumpily. I didn't turn into Mother Bloody Theresa, there were no genies or lamps. It was still just Miss Kitten doing the dishes.

But I think back to Friday night, the end of a busy week, when Mr Kitten went and did the shopping, came home, cooked us all an amazing dinner, then the girls cleared up, dancing round the kitchen, singing about Mr Kitten being the best step-father in the world, and us all laughing and my heart is near to bursting with happiness.

After all, that is all that matters.