Let's Go Back.....

I had another session with my hypnotherapist 'S' today. We were discussing my birthday last week and a necklace i was given, I mentioned that I cannot wear anything tight around my neck, and I cannot bear anyone to grasp my neck especially. I know that this is a throwback physical memory to my episodes with my ex when he would choke me to unconsciousness. Any tightness triggers that feeling of panic. So, we decided to work on that. I told her of a friend who has the same neck issues and that hers is from a past life memory. So we decided to do some past life work too.

We got to work and I went right under, landing in the midst of my ex choking me, my heart racing, crying and gasping, and then next, my ex standing over my unconscious body. She calmed me and then took me back to a previous happy memory and I went to my son being born. I felt the love my ex and I had and how delighted we were by him. I remembered why I married my ex, the 1st time in a long time I've been able to think of him without hatred or pain. She then took me back to the choking and then forward to another happy memory. This time, to my son on his bike, with me pushing Cait in the stroller, walking in the California sunshine along the beach.

Then back to the choking, telling the unconscious me that I will be fine, that I am strong and a survivor. Then she said she wanted to take me back to a past life where I had experienced that same feeling of powerlessness as I did when beaten, and I immediately pictured myself walking along a dirt path carrying a jug of water. I was wearing sandals and a white toga type garment. My hair was in black braids, twisted all around my head and I was dark olive skinned. I carried the water to a stone house where a large hairy man threw me down on the floor and stood over me in exactly the same way as my ex. I felt helpless, powerless, with no hope for the future and feeling full of despair. I was a slave. She then took me forward a bit in her life and I was presented a scene in which I was a server in a palace. The same person and lifetime, just more slavery.

Next she asked me to go to my death, and I came down into another scene. I could only gauge the era by the clothing. I thought at first I was one of the bodies on the floor of the church 'clinic', but then realized I was the nun walking in the midst of the bodies. It wasn't the death of the slave girl I had landed in but the life of a nun in the middle ages. She became a nun in order to heal, I had landed in that period of history where a woman had so much risk of being accused of witchery that being a nun meant she (I?) could practice healing with no risk to being challenged.

I then came up out of that life and down into the next life. I was a little girl, dressed in a long white dress like a sailor suit, black hair in braids and I was in a large garden with  a white butterfly on my hand. The butterfly flew off and I ran barefoot through the garden and into the house. My nanny was there, she was a round little grey haired woman in a uniform from around the 1900's. I was a very privileged little girl whose parents were never home. They travelled a great deal and I was left in the care of my nanny. When I saw my nanny's eyes I realized that it was my grandma from this life. She did not look at all like her physically other than the grey blue eyes, but I recognised her none the less and it comforted me.

She took me forward to an important day in the life of the little girl and I dropped down into her wedding. She was so happy and in love and when I looked at my husband's eyes I realized it was Mr Kitten! He was much older than her and very protective so that explains his tendency to parent me in THIS life.

I can't believe he married me again, he is such a brave man, my soul connection. I know my gran is one of my guardian angels, she has always been with me.

The lives to me felt random and unconnected until S pointed out to me that my subconscious took me to points of great polarity- from poor to pampered, from hopeless to helpful. One end of the spectrum to the other.  But all souls are connected forever, all physical forms are only temporary. Life goes on, our loves never die.