House Rules

This blog is my place to vent, my place to analyse my emotions and the only little place which is mine. All mine. So anyone who doesn’t want to know what is in my head should look away now. This means you Mr. Kitten. Because Mr. Kitten if you are reading this I suggest you stop, if you do continue I suspect that we will only fall out.

We currently have a house-guest, who I will call ‘J’. He is a friend of Mr. Kitten from way back. He has known him longer than I have. I only heard he was coming shortly before he arrived and only found out the duration of his stay AFTER he arrived. I know that we live far away from our European friends, and I know that most of the cost of the holiday is in the flight, especially when we provide free accommodation. This means that most people think that since they come ‘all this way’ they should stay as long as they can.

In light of this I have a few guidelines for being a welcome houseguest, these are nothing extreme and the same things I do when I am a houseguest.

1.       Go with when the family does their weekly shop and contribute if you are not in position to pay for a full week.

2.       Take your hosts out for dinner at least once.

3.       As your host is more than likely driving you all over SA, offer to put in for at least one tank of petrol.

4.       If your hosts are driving YOU somewhere on a tourist jaunt, and you go through a toll – pay the effing toll! After all this trip is for your benefit.

5.       If you drink endless cups of tea, rinse and use the same cup.

6.       If you can’t be arsed to adhere to item 5 above, then at least take the dirty cups to the sink and give them a rinse. (we do not have a dishwasher)

7.       Do the dishes if you are home alone and everyone is out at work (again, I have no dishwasher)

8.       If you go out with your hosts for dinner, pay your share. I didn’t adopt you, I didn’t give birth to you and I am not your sugarmama. Deal with it.

9.       If you have a tendency towards alcoholism, go to the bottle store and buy your own booze.

10.   And last and foremost, do not slag off the accommodation you have been given for FREE!

If you do not know me personally you have probably made a judgment that I am not very hospitable or welcoming, but those who do know me know that I am not like that. In the UK my friends always called me  ‘the hostest with the mostest’ and my parties were notorious for lasting several days.

Those close to me know I may not be very domesticated.  My friends laugh that if they want to find anything in my kitchen they either ask my domestic or my husband because I will not have a clue! Suffice it to say I will not hop out of bed to make you a big fry up because you decided to crash on my couch after a dinner party. But if you do decide on an impromptu sleep over I will be happy to send Mr K to the shops to buy us all a box of donuts and croissants. (Just make sure to put your cup in the sink)