That explains the headaches

Today has not turned out anything like I planned it. I had an appointment with the dental hygienist this morning before work. The dentist really freaks me out. When I was 5 I had a dentist bitch-slap me across the face, then when I was living in LA I had a dental nurse physically jump on me and lie across my face to hold me down for an injection, nearly suffocating me in the process – that pretty much knocked the final nail in the coffin of that phobia. Or is it the other way round, it ripped the nails out?

But I kept reasoning with myself that it was just a cleaning and how bad could it be? Well it started with her telling me I am her only American client who doesn’t floss. I floss OK?! Just not that often lol.
She then chiseled and chopped and sandblasted her way round my mouth, then set me on my way. My GP is in the same complex and I needed to get some forms filled in for my life insurance and my doc had been nagging for a cholesterol check for months, so as I had not eaten I thought I would pop in quick and get these things sorted.

I went into the pathology office first and explained to them that I needed blood work for my insurance company as well as the GP and the receptionist said I needed a form from the GP so off I go to that office, explain it all to them and then they have me wait. They then get another form from the GP and send me off back to the pathology office. I get taken in and tell them I have rubbish veins and she manages after a few attempts to get a vein. I noticed she only took one vial but I didn’t ask any questions.

I then go back to the waiting room and she says, ‘oh no are you supposed to get blood work done for that?’ ‘Errr yes as I spent ages explaining to you, yes.’ She said, ‘well you should have said, now you have to get stuck again’. Well I then said to them, “I explained all of this to your receptionist, do you not speak to each other before you go poking needles in people?”

Then the practice nurse comes in, calls my name and then starts slamming around the room in a huff expecting me to follow. I just stood still and asked what is up? She then flounced off and got the scales and said, you don’t mind weighing in here do you? Let me think, do I want all of reception to know how much I weigh? Hell No! Regardless she then threw the scales on the floor and I obediently hopped on. She then said out loudly and clearly what my weight was. Then she trots off to another room and tells me to follow her, I walked in but there was a patient on the bed! She had me come in and stand against the wall to get my height done. I felt embarrassed for the man lying on the bed, as well as myself.

She was giving me so much attitude and at this point I was being calm. Then she scribbled the info on my form and just walked off. I went back to reception in the surgery and asked what I needed to do next. The receptionist asked what happened to the nurse and said she needed to take my blood pressure and I said fine, she then went looking for the stroppy nurse again who was huffing round the room as if someone had taken a poop in her cornflakes, no idea what her issue was. I told the receptionist I would rather not deal with the nurse, she asked why and I said she was rude and acted as if I was an inconvenience when in fact I am a patient and pay for them to provide me with a service. By the time I finished telling her this I had worked myself into such a state I had the whole waiting room staring at me like I had 2 heads.

As you can imagine this was probably not the best time to get my blood pressure taken.

It was 170/100 which is very very high. The receptionist then said the nurse had to take it as she didn’t think that could be right?! The nurse took me off to another room, lay me down and took it again. It was the same. She said “are you feeling stressed” at which I thought my head might explode. I told her that the chaos in the office and the attitude of the staff had stressed me. She said I was not allowed to drive with such high BP. I told her I was going to work, she said I wasn’t I had to see the doctor. I knew the doctor was out on a house call so I thought I would be waiting ages. But he happened to come back as I sat down and they squeezed me in. I told him what had happened and he looked ready to weep – he asked me please to put it all in writing which led me to think he has had issues with her before.

He kept me there for almost an hour, lying down. He kept taking my BP every few minutes until it dropped sufficiently for me to go home. He then nagged about my not getting my hip down as my meds are known to cause high blood pressure. I made an appointment to go back in a week for him to check it again as he said he cannot send in the forms with that BP on it or they will increase my fees ridiculously.

Feck. I did suspect my BP was up as I have had some lightheadedness and some moments where I can feel my BP pumping when I am stressed. But I hope it goes back down before next week I really do not want to go on long term meds......deep breathing and relaxation is on my agenda this week. Maybe now I am officially old I am just falling apart? I'll just start dropping off bits of me like a leper? Let's hope my saddlebags go first.

A Change in Perspective

I was chatting with a friend who was saying that whenever he gets stressed, he asks himself, 'How Important Is It'? I know that I have a tendency towards hysteria. It is genetic, my Mom is a hysteric, her Mom was a hysteric...you get the idea. My daughters appear to have the same affliction unfortunately.

So I am trying to change my reactions to life in small subtle ways. Like asking myself is it really that important when I get wound up and taking a step back if it isn't. Sometimes making a big deal out of something minor just ends up taking it in a way it would not have naturally gone if we had just let the universe direct it at will.

I also know that I get back what I put out in the world, If I go through life being grumpy and miserable then I will get negativity back. If I greet the world with a smile and a friendly demeanour then the world will respond in the same way. If I am loving to Mr Kitten, I receive this back tenfold.

I see what power I can wield with my emotions, I see this with the way my daughter can create such animosity and chaos in our home just by her moods. She is my mini-me mirror who is helping me to grow myself into what I want to be.

I had a weekend of such relaxation and fun, and last night I had one of my moments of pure bliss. I do not think that people can understand how I feel unless they have walked in my shoes. Most women marry, have kids, raise those kids and then the kids move out. My life was not meant to follow that path. I think I have finally gotten to a place where I no longer beat myself up about my fuck ups in my past.

I am not saying I didn't fuck up - I did. In an extraordinary fashion. But the path my life took is the path the universe and my ancestors intended for me. It took me through a hell of a lot of pain and despair and unhappiness to get here. But that pain was due to being away from my children, and my children turned out so strong and so healthy and fabulous regardless, so any guilt or bad feelings I have towards myself are so unnecessary, they just drag me down.

The universe has given me a chance now to build a strong relationship with my girls, they both live with me full time and I am so grateful about this. Even if they wake me in the middle of the night coming in, if they are grumpy and moody, it doesn't matter. I am living the life I always dreamed of with my daughters living with me, happy with a wonderful husband, a lovely home and a job that supports it all.

Another of my new methods to increase my gratitude is to picture my life without the very thing which I take for granted or which annoys me. So I spent a weekend doing this - the trigger might be getting annoyed at my husband leaving his towel on the floor. But then I think 'would I rather have his towel on my floor, or have him not be in my life?' It puts the small insignificant things in perspective - he is so good to me and my girls.

When I got incredibly annoyed about having to do a weekend's worth of dishes on Sunday morning, I changed my thought pattern to 'these dishes are from my husband cooking a delicious meal for me and the girls on Friday' and I happily washed them. OK maybe not happily....but less grumpily. I didn't turn into Mother Bloody Theresa, there were no genies or lamps. It was still just Miss Kitten doing the dishes.

But I think back to Friday night, the end of a busy week, when Mr Kitten went and did the shopping, came home, cooked us all an amazing dinner, then the girls cleared up, dancing round the kitchen, singing about Mr Kitten being the best step-father in the world, and us all laughing and my heart is near to bursting with happiness.

After all, that is all that matters.

Blessings in abundance

This weekend I turned 50. Ouch. It is one of those cut off ages. I am now officially over the barrier and properly old.
Fuck.
My aching body attests to this. Today I am just so knackered and sore it hurts to get off of the settee.
But it all started so well.....
Friday when I arrived at work I received an email saying that my daughters and I were formally invited to dine at our home with Chef Norman in attendance.
I arrived home and was ushered through to the lounge and told in no uncertain terms to stay out of the kitchen. The girls and I sat watching 'So You Think You Can Dance'. Then Norm brought us a still warm meringue! Oh my god since when did my husband learn how to cook such a moist chewy meringue - or any sort of meringue for that matter?
When we met he could make toast and that was it.
He then proceeded to spend the evening spoiling us - first with a starter of steamed asparagus, wrapped in proscuitto and stuffed with mozzarella cheese inside the ham. It was drizzled with some slightly sweet but acidic sauce, it was just divine. My fave things all wrapped up in one.
For mains we had 'Italian Chicken' which was chicken in a casserole with mushrooms, in a white wine sauce, on a bed of mashed potato topped with steamed tenderstem broccoli.
For dessert he brought out a creme brullee which is my favourite dessert. It was made with white chocolate lindt and was one of the best things I have ever eaten. He just followed the recipe and he did a brilliant job.
I wish I had one now lol. And the meringues are what he did with the leftover egg whites after he made the brullee!

I felt he had surpassed my expectations and thought the next day might just be presents and a family lunch. Josh came down to visit Lily for the weekend and I thougth we would all just go for dinner.

However I was informed I had an agenda. I had to get dressed to go to the waterfront for shopping - he wanted to buy me a dress 'for that evening as I needed to look nice' when we went for dinner. We lucked out and found 2 at Edgars which looked great and bought them both. One of them is 2 sizes smaller than I normally buy, the other is 1 down. That made me pleased as punch.
In high spirits we then went onto Balducci's for lunch. We grabbed a table outside and I ordered some sushi.

We had a lovely lunch and a glass of wine then did a bit more shopping and headed home. I had a little nap then showered and headed out. We arrived at the venue where I assumed we were just joining our usual group of about 5 couples for dinner, but when I walked in the whole room sort of stood up in one long mexican wave type pattern...it was a bit overwhelming! I started tearing up and got a bit freaked out as I had not expected that at alll! The girls had put together a slide show of pics of me from childhood up to now, it was brilliantly done. I just felt so loved and so overwhelmed by it all.

I was given some gorgeous and brilliant presents but I opened them when we got home and I was rather tipsy and I kept thanking the wrong people for the wrong presents! Oops so embarrassing. But hopefully I have been forgiven :)

I went to a women's event I really like this week called Extraordinary Women and it is always loads of women giving talks about how they became who they are and it is very inspirational. Everyone was asking 'Are you where you want to be' for example. I reaalised yes I am. I have the life I have been visialising for decades - living with my kids having a normal life. I have a man who adores me and will do anything for me, I have my girls here at uni so with me for a few years and we are such good friends and so close. It is brilliant.
My son is settled with a woman he loves whom the family also love. She fits right in with us. They've bought a house and are happy.
I have amazing friends. And a beautiful home. If I wanted anything else I would just be greedy. I am so blessed and so grateful for those blessings.

Livin the life

Last night was another one of those nights that makes me feel so blessed to live in Cape Town and especially the Bay of Hout.

It was my friend Dawn's 40th birthday and she was determined not to celebrate it, she was in mourning for the loss of her 30s. She is a stunning woman who looks about 30 but she was getting hung up on that number. We tried to get her to organise something to celebrate but she was not having it. Her husband Gavin spoils her and took it upon himself to organise a drinks evening as a surprise.

One of our friends dragged her there on a pretense of some women's event which she didn't really want to attend, but Gav kept telling her she couldn't cancel on her friend.

She arrived at the venue and we all jumped out in the dark and surprised her. Then we were all piled into 2 vans and driven down this teeny little winding road to the actual beach. We entered what looked like a wooden chalet and were greeted by a room which looked like a cosy lounge in someones tastefully furnished home. There was a roaring fire and all of the windows were open to let in the sea air. We were in the beautiful hotel Tintswalo Atlantic which hangs off the side of Chapman's Peak.

Each room has a view of the entire bay, the decor is just stunning and the service was perfect. Every time you got near the bottom of your glass, a waiter magically appeared and topped you up. (and my thumping head is proof of this). They laid on snacks, and these were served by a personal chef who described each thing to us. There were skewers with salmon or fillet, grilled prawns, fish cakes, potato and feta samosas, spring rolls and other nibbles.

After dinner they have a tradition where each guest is given a stone with their name on it and we all had to chuck them over our shoulders out to sea while making a wish. It created much giggling that all of the girls' rocks just clunked onto the stone beach below the balcony, the men liked to pretend they actually made theirs land in the water. (I doubt they did)

We all sat out by the sea drinking and laughing while candles flickered in the trees above us. When it got chilly we were given soft blankets to wrap round us. It was just divine.

I feel so blessed, amazing friends, a wonderful family and this sort of experience right on our doorstep.

Update: As mentioned above we all made a wish, subsequently I saw a shooting star and made the same wish. The wish was related to a court case I have had going for several years...and this morning I got my 1st ever call from our lawyer to say the people we are suing want to settle....and I am covered in goose bumps. Maybe it is true that if you ask for it, the universe will attend to your needs.

Highs & Lows

I'm thinking again and thinking inevitably leads to blogging. Based on the number of blogs I have posted lately that would lead you to think I don't think very often but you would be wrong. I am an obsessive. I mentally go over things all of the time. I am not a drop and run sorta girl.

We had a hectic night on Thursday. My daughter Lily had started back at Uni and she had 4 friends over as they had a free day on Friday. So I thawed out some chili con carne I had in the freezer, and decided I would make some cheese quesadillas, so stopped on the way home for fromage frais, salsa and jalapenos.

The girls arrived about 7 and they proceeded to drink wine, munch on quesadillas and talk nonsense as a group of 20ish year olds are wont to do.

They were sitting on the upstairs balcony so one of the girls could have a smoke, when the Neighbour From Hell, (henceforth known as NFH) shouted over at 9.30 "it was time for bed and they need to keep it down". They shut up in surprise, held their breath and then started to giggle. He then started ranting, 'oh yes time to keep quiet', 'oh you think it is funny, have you forgotten my watering your garden' (referring to the previous incident when he turned the garden hose on us when we were having a braai. He didn't soak us as we were out of his reach. We just laughed.

Lily came to tell Norm bout it all and he went outside and told NFH to stop harassing the girls. He then told Norm he was going to 'sort him out' and came to ring our bell. Norm went to the gate while NFH shouted vulgarities at him. NFH then whipped out an iron rod and proceeded to hit Norm with it, Norm reached through the gate and pushed him away.

I phoned our friend Gav, ADT & the cops. They all arrived quickly, but NFH had ran home and attempted to drive out to the police station once he saw we had called back up.

They all went to the police station and spent until 2.30 in the morning filling in forms, then came home exhausted.

It had all started so nicely.

It was lovely that Lily came to me the next day and apologised for the noise, I told her it was not her fault, he has a bug up his arse. Then she said it was so nice to have the girls have clean bedding, towels, blankets and yummy food. She said it was all so pleasant, she really appreciated my making them all feel comfortable. I couldn't imagine NOT doing this for them!

When Cait came back from staying with her Dad over holidays she said the same, she missed her comfortable bed, big towels, warm room and all her family. The pets, Norm and I are now the family core.

The kids were raised by their Dad and he lived like a pauper. Trust me, he isn't, he just hated to spend money on comforts or food. I wonder did it do the girls more good living frugally then they appreciate the warm cozy home I offer and appreciate it when others grant them with a nicety?

When they were with me for their holidays we went somewhere different in Europe every July, then to Scotland for a family holiday over Xmas and Hogmannay.

Here we never go anywhere away from home, we have all we ever want or need for summer and a cosy home for winter.

Then we have this tosser who wants to interfere. Norm was supposed to be away in JBG all week on business and now has to come and go to court on Tuesday. NFH has also charged Norm with assault, so they both have to appear. It's ridiculous and Norm never left our yard.

But we have taken this man's intimidation for a year, it is time to deal with it properly and get an interdict to stop him doing it any longer.

But in the meantime we will continue living our lives, building a home which my girls love and I love, keeping my marriage strong. These are the things that really matter, this little noise from next door is just a bump in the road.

Moments of Contentment

Lately I have been thinking a lot. That happens when I read a Paulo Coelho book.

I'm currently reading 'Brida' which is about a young witch starting out on her journey to understand her powers and develop her skills. It talks about the bible being the source of all occult which I found interesting. It also has an interesting take on the concept of soul mates - that the original Adam & Eve had split into multiple souls at death who then split into multiple souls and so on. Apparently you recognise these soul mates when you see them. I do believe that part - I've experienced that feeling when you meet someone that you already know them, they are a part of your past lives, or some deep connection. I once had that when I met a man at a party. I looked across the room and saw him and knew he was going to be my lover, we had been souls in another life together previously. I had just sperated from my husband that day. He had been seperated from his wife for a bit longer. Interestingly his wife told me she felt that way about me, that she and I were involved when she was a warrior and I was a female Native American couple many generations ago. It was a crazy relationship between them. Thank God I didn't move back to the States with him.

Anyway, after that all finally ended I met my husband, he was handsome, intelligent, patient and loving. He still is and he still adores me. We are very well suited in that he puts up with my shite. He stays calm while me and my daughters whirl in a hormonal haze of stress and chaos around him. He is perfect for me. But is he my soul mate? I don't know. He is my life mate. The one I will stay with til the end. I still fancy him, still find him attractive. He looks after all of us, he is the traditional male in our house who does all the manly stuff, but he also does his share of cooking. He is a typical mothering Cancerian. As I am not at all maternal this works out great.

I finally feel like I am where I am meant to be. We have our home which we are slowly chipping away at making our dream home, one little bit at a time. We're in no huge rush as this is the place we want to stay. I love our home. And for the 1st time in 20 yrs I have 2 of my children living with me. My 2 gorgeous clever daughters. I feel very blessed that they are both in Uni, studying hard. Hubby and I have such high pressure jobs, we drive in and out to the city centre most days together so have a bit of time to chat. We drive in my the stunning coast road from Hout Bay. I don't mind my job, obviously I don't love it so much I would do it for free but I don't dislike it.

So maybe it is not surprising that I have such moments of contentment that they make me stop and breathe into it- a wonderful husband, family, home, I have been feeling so pleased and happy that it has all come together finally. So many people take it for granted that they have their family together but as I never had that, for me it is a privilege.

It has all brought such deep contentment.

Do you have moments of pure contentment?

Around the Rainbow

Yesterday was such an interesting day. It was a bipolar romp, from the dark depressing rainy start to coming home to watch the end of the Barcelona game it was full of emotions-highs & lows.

My friend Annette & I were both lucky enough to win facials at the stunning Cape Royale Hotel Equinox Spa. We decided to make a girly day of it so we booked lunch at Beluga, my fave.

The spa and hotel were absolutely gorgeous, with a classy & exclusive feeling. When we came in we asked where the spa was and a concierge in tails took us there himself. He was pretty damned cute too so I couldn't resist flirting a bit, I am such a dirty old lady sometimes.

The spa had classic paintings done in a black & white pixellated modern interpretation, the loo walls were a midnight blue and the main spa walls alternated simple white with a black & white stunning large print wallpaper. It was so hushed you relaxed as soon as you arrived. They gave us a chunky white bathrobe and slippers to put on and a key to a locker then sent us to wait on a black velvet sofa with dried fruit, rusks & iced lemon water on offer so we sat and had a chat.

Our 2 therapists came to collect us and took us to seperate rooms, the beds were heated and covered with warm towels and blankets. I snuggled in and had a light chemical peel, a normal facial, head and neck massage, bit of waxing & a facial massage all in a dimmed environment where I was left to choose myself whether to chat or zone out. I love it when they don't just try and sale products the whole time.

It was just divine. No pressure no hassle - sometimes the freebies are just sales opportunities. I felt none of that at all.

We got dressed and headed out to Beluga. The sun just started to emerge. We ordered chicken & coriander crispy wontons, & a plate of sushi. All of it was half price as well. It was divine, the won ton not greasy, perfectly crispy. The sushi platter was only R85 and had 8 pieces of samurai prawn which was chili & prawn tempura rolled in sushi rice all wrapped in avocado outside, 8 pieces of crispy fried prawn with rice & veg, 4 salmon roses and 4 prawn nigiri. We ate ourselves to bursting it was all so yummy. I'm drooling now recalling it!

I dropped Annette and came home to spend some time with the family so we chilled out for a few hours then got ready to head out to my friend Mandi's party. I had planned a party as our other friend Adell had requested I do so. I had invited everyone, organised the food and then I got a text message from Mandi saying that due to my neighbour she had organised something in Kommetjkie instead which is about half an hour up the coast.

I felt so embarassed telling people I had just invited that they were then univited, and that Mandi had not been decent enough to even ring me to discuss, just sent me a bulk text message. What happened to every day manners?

She asked everyone to bring something to bang on, so I schlepped out my very large drum and a few bottles of wine and some braii food. Nothing was organised, no one offering to cook so my friend Greg jumped in and made a fire inside and out and ended up cooking the meat, he wasn't even going to stay or eat was just popping in. But the worst part was my friend Mandi's friend Mandy who was a pain in the arse. She appears to have a drug problem, she screams loudly and continuously and talks about herself and how wonderful she is continuously -oh my feck she is annoying. Mr Kitten refused to stay, dropped me and my drum and wine and ran to the closest pub & waited while working and waiting to watch the football. He is such a supportive husband. But he cannot stand the woman so wouldn't stay with us. I kept asking Mandi to have a word with her as she was smoking in our faces, being loud and turning the music so loud it would distort.

But we were there to support Mandi so we stayed and just chilled out talking to our other friend's we do not get to see often enough, just sucked it up for a bit then headed home at half time, Mr K arrived, grabbed me and ran to make it home for the end of the game, I crashed and was in bed early perfectly happy to be home.

It is so cold today, winter has truly hit the Cape. I am going to make a big curry, we're going to snuggle in and start a fire a bit later, the girls are upstairs studying as Josh has driven off to George again.

It has been an eventful and lovely weekend. I hope yours has too.