Worth

How do you measure your worth? Is it by what you earn? By how many people love you? By how much savings you have? How many properties you own?

Someone was talking the other night about how they can do whatever it takes, turn on the charm, smile and be patient as long as people pay their hourly rate. I wish I could detach and do that but I can't. Sometimes I tell myself that as long as other people think I am worth what I charge per hour then I must be worth that.

It's like when we were trying to sell our house in the UK during a very depressed market. We were told that despite what we owed on our house, it's worth was defined by what people were willing to pay. Unfortunately we had to weigh up what we owed vs how much we were offered and then try and guess when we might get another offer, weighed up against what we would pay in mortgage fees each month while waiting on another offer, which may never arrive.

We took the offer.

It was like a weight had been lifted, knowing that we had an end to the debt, we knew that we were untethered from the responsibility of coming up with the monthly payment in pounds sterling.

I'm in this period of transition at work, still with one foot back with my last deliverable, still not complete due to external dependencies. The other foot trying to climb this vertical learning curve, doing a role which is new to me and very different than what I have done for the last few years.

However I know I will do my best and I must keep focusing on the skills which I do have which is why they chose me for the job.

Maybe my strong work ethic and desire to do my best is driven by my insecurities and lack of self worth. Or maybe it is just because I am a Virgo. Ha. But I would rather be this way than to be one of those people who just show up, do the bare minimum and just don't care.

After all without passion, what would life be like? Pretty boring really