To Believe or Not to Believe

I was raised in a home with no religion. My father was an agnostic / atheist. I am still not completely clear on the difference, even having looked them up, they seem pretty much varying degrees of the same thing.

My Mom was just apathetic. I find it funny that since Dad died and she has remarried to a staunch Catholic that she is now going to church and believes in the existence of 'God'.

I am left pretty much befuddled in the concept that people who have suffered unbearable hardships and challenges find comfort in believing that they are just part of a bigger plan and that they are blessed or that 'God is Good' to them. I have a friend who lost her Mom to breast cancer while we were still kids. She lost her Dad a few years ago. Her baby brother was born with spina-bifida and had been in a wheelchair his whole life. After years travelling around the world in the forces, she decided to settle back in the south to be near her brother. She built a house with her husband, got jobs there and tried to settle back into life there.

And then her brother died.

She was devastated. She said that the only thing that has gotten her through all of her suffering and pain is her belief in God.

I just don't get it. If you believe 'he' has your destiny in his hands and everything that happens is 'his choice' and your life is full of pain and heartache, how do you rationalise this?

However I can understand people who are ill, who get tragic news, or who have been left devastated by things which happen who then turn to 'God' and pray for help. But to me this just seems like hopping on the bandwagon as a last chance desperate measure.

I can't relate to those who have always had and who maintain such unfailing faith and who are not distracted by hardship or tragedy from this belief.

Another friend has a sister who is very devout. She and her husband have sold off their farm as this is what 'God' wanted. And now they are waiting. And waiting. And while waiting they are treating themselves to some jolly nice holidays. But they have no plans for their future - they are just spending the money from the farm sale as they please.

Want to know what they are waiting on? They are waiting on God to tell them what to do - to send them a message about what they are meant to do with their lives.

My question is how do you know the message when you get it? Is it when your cheese toasty looks like it has Mary burnt into it?

As you lift the lid on your toasty machine, do you have an epiphany 'oh Em Gee I am supposed to open a sandwich shop'?

How do you know what the 'message' is when you get it?

I attended a charismatic church around the time that my 1st marriage was breaking up. I had a man I had never met come up to me and tell me that it was 'not God's will that my husband and I split up.' He had never been to that church, he woke and had a 'call to attend' and to pass on that message to me. He told me that if I went through with the divorce that I would have terrible sadness and unhappiness as a result.

I was so dumbfounded I just looked at him and walked away.

At that time, I was in such a poor mental state then that I could not comprehend any pain which was worse than my marriage.

The man was right, I did have a horrible time of it as did my children. But we survived. I followed the path which I felt was right for me and for the children. It detoured from where I wanted that path to go, but I do not blame God. Nor do I blame myself. I made some mistakes but they were MY mistakes....the way my heart & head led me.

I do pray - I pray to my ancestors. I call on my ancestors when I need help, when I need power, when I need support. I feel my ancestors around me - they communicate with me by visible means. I have even heard their voices & felt their touch.

So this interaction I feel with my Ancestors, is this God in another person's context? Is this the Universal Spirit? I think everyone needs something in their lives - whatever that may be I hope that everyone finds that something that gives them comfort.