Diary of a Bad Daughter?

Today my blood pressure was so high, I was having trouble concentrating. When my Project Manager asked me was I OK, I was a bit surprised as I wasn’t aware that anyone could tell I wasn’t quite right, but she is blind and she ‘sees’ things that no one else sees. She can pick up a mood or vibe in an instant. So when I blurted out to her I think my BP is high, and all of the issues relating to that rise, she said, ‘go home and write it all down, whether you send it to your Mom or not, write it down.’ Did I mention she is also a trained psychotherapist as well as a brilliant IT consultant?

So, here goes.....

My Mom lives in the USA and has been having health issues for about 5 months now. She has not been up the stairs in her house for 5 months; she has been sleeping in one of the guest rooms in the ground floor. She lives in a huge 2 story house and the stairs are very steep and narrow so she is not keen on those steps at the best of times as she tumbled down them and cracked open her head years ago.

Her issues started with swelling of her joints which was eventually diagnosed as Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA).  Her Father was bedridden for years due to RA prior to his death; I remember his hands being knotted claws. She was unable to use her hands, or walk or anything due to inflammation of her joints and was in such terrible pain she would ring me crying. This put a huge dependency on my Step-Dad to do everything for her. Normally this might not be such a burden but he has colon cancer and has been having chemo for 2 years. He has been so ill he can barely function himself.

I’d often have Mom crying on the phone because she said she felt so bad that Tom was doing so much for her when he should be resting and healing.

Then she began having such pain in her knee they sent finally sent her for an MRI and found a torn meniscus so she had that repaired.

She got a new RA specialist and they wanted to put her on medication which was to cost $300 USD a month. She had to send forms to the doctor for them to send to Medicare for approval, and after 3 weeks Mom’s friend Melissa finally persuaded Mom to phone and make an enquiry on progress rather than just sit in pain and wait. She found out then that the forms had never been received so she had been waiting in vain as no progress had been made. So the forms get sent in and she starts having treatment. The treatment was prednisone which is a steroid which is known to potentially cause osteoporosis, especially if taking large doses. However Mom already HAD osteoporosis and was diagnosed years ago and given medication to help strengthen her bones. The problem is she never took the medication as it made her nauseous. So instead of going to her doctor to discuss alternatives, she just stopped and ignored it. Now 10 years on this decision to ignore her health has had dire consequences.

Basically, with the prednisone the inflammation went away but then she started having intense back pain. Her primary care doctor (the same one who said she was being overly dramatic about her knee when in actuality she had a torn meniscus) told her there was nothing wrong and gave her a muscle relaxer and sent her home. She lay in bed for weeks unable to get up without assistance, not even able to get up and use the loo. Eventually he orders an MRI and she was found to have a fractured vertebra. So she has a procedure called a vertebroplasty where they inject a form of cement into the spine to fuse the vertebra under x-ray imaging.

She went back home and back to her bed. Then she had another instance of intense back pain and then a 3^rd episode shortly after that. All 3 instances were from a new, different vertebral fracture. All 3 were repaired the same way.

Then her various doctors actually started speaking to each other and realised she had osteoporosis so should not have been on the prednisone in the first place as that was causing the fractures and rapid deterioration of her bone mass.

They also picked up that she had arrhythmia which her primary care doctor said he wasn’t concerned about. But she woke with her heart racing and ended up back in the hospital thinking she was having a heart attack. It was the arrhythmia. She had a new cardiologist consult and they were very concerned about her heart rate and did a procedure to shock her heart back into rhythm.

Medicare will not cover the infusions she needs for the RA. And instead of just spending the money for a year treatment from this disease that leaves her sobbing with pain and unable to function independently she has decided to remodel her bathroom.

Whattttt?!!

That caused me a lot of confusion. Then when I rang home and spoke to my stepdad he told me he was having surgery tomorrow to blast the last nodule in his liver. Mom then casually told me that she had a friend to take him and sit with him. Naturally I assumed that she is still unable to get out of bed. And then I hear that she had asked another friend to drive her on a 4 hour round trip to get her hair done today?? How can her sense of priorities be so skewed? This is how she pays back the months of devotion from her husband?

I then remembered when she was in such muscle spasms and I suggested she try acupuncture as I have had brilliant results from acupuncture when I have had back spasms. She said she was unable to make it there as she could not get out of bed. Yet the next time I spoke to her she told me she had my stepdad drive her to get a mani pedi! How can her vanity be more important than feeling better or supporting her husband?

I am so frustrated with her. I was so cross when she told me about not taking any treatment for her osteo 10 yrs ago when diagnosed and then when I hear all of this other nonsense I want to grab her and shake her.

My mother and I were pretty much estranged for years because of her inability to acknowledge the damage done to me as a child, damage which she denied for most of my life and when confronted said ‘well I knew he tried things on with me and my sister but never thought he would do anything to you’. My mother lives in a land full of rainbows and unicorns, never should anything ugly intrude into her imaginary world.

Is this a trait typical of all southern belles? Remember Scarlett O’Hara and her ‘Fiddle-dee-dee I’ll just worry about that tomorrow’? My Mother actually says that too.

Did I escape that gene because I moved away at the earliest opportunity? Or is my love of the ganja my own method of escape?

Basically now she is not getting out of bed except to groom herself for people who never see her, and she is still taking nothing for her osteoporosis. I ask her questions about her treatments and get a vague response. I ask her things which I would think she would be asking her doctors herself, like how long does she have to take the injections (nevermind that answer as she stopped taking them) and how long before they start to strengthen her bones and what is the success rate of the medication and and and and…..she just has no idea and doesn't seem to care.

I spent hours reading up on various treatments for her arthritis, I recommended reading material, I suggested dietary supplements and changes which have been proven to be successful with other people. She tried none of them.

Then I ask myself, is she depressed? Well apparently she was put onto antidepressants as she was getting hysterical over everything constantly, and this was before she was ill. She was convinced she was going to be a widow a second time and I guess I thought that as Tom has finally almost reached the point where he may be in remission she would be less distraught. But she isn’t taking those meds either.

One of the best things she can do for her osteoporosis is exercise, even mild exercise would be better than lying in bed all day. If she does not keep her muscles functioning it will be even more stress on her already fragile skeletal system. Lack of mobility of her joints will also cause more issues with her RA. She needs to get out of bed and try and get active. She says she is not in pain, so I am not sure what is causing this lethargy.

I am finding it very hard to understand how she thinks, the way she is dealing with this situation. I can’t understand not taking ownership of her own health and I certainly do not understand the self-centred way she is treating her husband at a time when he needs to be preserving his strength. But then again, I have never understood the way she approaches life as if in a dream world.

I guess my lesson in this is that it is not relevant whether I understand her; I should just try and offer her love and support. She is who she is, and at age 70 she is not going to change. It just feels as if she has given up. I do not know what else I can do to pull her out of it, to make her want to get better. I don’t know what to do with my anger at her, at the situation and then at myself for allowing her to cause me such stress and distress by her actions. My kids are all stressed and worried about her as am I. The girls are in the middle of exams and need serenity. I nearly walked out on my job to fly to the US when she thought she was having a heart attack.

I do not understand depression and if that is the cause then maybe it is all beyond her ability to care. Maybe I am too hard on her. Maybe I am not hard enough on her.

Maybe….just maybe it will all be fine if we can all relax and trust that all will work out. Or is THAT living in a dream world too?

At this stage I just don’t know, all I know is that I just don’t know. Ya know?

Two Moms

Last night I was standing in the kitchen when Lily came home from work. She came up to me and said 'I need to tell you something' and burst into tears. I immediately thought 'oh no she is pregnant'. But then she said she wanted to apologise to me. We had watched the movie 'The Help' on the weekend, and Lily had found it very emotional. She said it reminded her of Jean, the woman who raised my kids. She is a Xhosa woman in her late 60's and she has worked for my ex husband for almost 20 yrs. Lily was a toddler when my marriage ended and Jean was the one who fed them, washed their clothes and her bed was where Lily slept for years. So in the movie when the child tenderly touches her nursemaids face and says 'you're my real Mama' it was too much for Lily and she got very upset.
Lily said she knew that it upset me and it upset her that she upset me. I know that my face shows whatever I am feeling, but I told her it wasn't hurt she was seeing, it was sadness. Sad that, I wasn't the one there for her. Also gratitude that my kids had Jean who still tells Lily she loves her more than the children she gave birth to. Some of that sadness is also reserved for Jean, who was as absent in her children's lives as I was in mine, both of us from situations not of our own creation.
Lily hugged me and told me she always knew she could count on me to be there for her when she needed me and that I was a good mom and did her best to reassure me, but she didn't need to. You see I also had 2 moms. One of those was my grandma, my Mom worked for my whole childhood so I often stayed at my GMa. Luckily our house was built on an acre of land which was part of my GMa's 20acre estate. I would flip back and forth between houses depending on my mood and who was home at the time. My mom was only 20 when I was born so she left a lot of my care to my Gran.
I miss my Gran so and I am so grateful I had her in my life.
Just as I am thankful my kids had their 'other Mom'. Some kids are not lucky enough to have anyone, much less more than 1.

My jolly, jolly Christmas

This is my first blog on my new iPad which the darling Mr K gave me for Christmas. So forgive any typos cos autocorrect really is that bizarre.

I go back to work tomorrow after 3 weeks off and thought I should do a 'highlights' blog. I had an Amazing Christmas, I only had Lily and Josh here for the day as Cait and Trev were in George. But I cooked the whole deal, gammon, turkey, stuffing, roast potatoes, mash and gravy, carrots,broccoli casserole, brussel sprouts and 2 different desserts.

We exchanged presents with Mr K's fave being a remote control helicopter. In addition to my iPad which was such a surprise, I also received a stunniNg large ring made of black volcanic rock. Josh was given tshirts and Lily was given lots of goodies from fake uggs, hello kitty pajamas and pillow and some clothes and other items. 

Boxing day we went to a braai and the kids went back to George. There were loads of us there and it was chaos but lovely to see everyone.

We went up the west coast to the National Park to a wedding on the 30th and it was unique and memorable, yet simple and casually elegant. The bride entered in a row boat, hopped out and walked up the beach accompanied by her father. The ceremony was in a small, rustic, charming old church hand built by fishermen. It was half in German and half in English. I speak no German at all so during the German hymns I muttered 'schnitzel, strudel, farenheit' which may not even be German but it made suitable sounds and amused me. Mr K pretended to be annoyed but giggled nonetheless. 
The reception was held at Gelbeck restaurant in the park. It is such a lovely venue and the setting was all white, seashells, water and flowers. The starter was snoek and mussels, I passed on my snoek to the random man next to me thanks to the friendliness afforded by copious amounts of wine on an empty stomach. Unfortunately in my usual clumsy fashion I dropped it on his mussels and it splattered everywhere, attracting the frowning attention of his wife. Main was fillet on a rosti and it was all lovely but it was so late by this time I was a bit over it really. We have been having issues with our house alarm and it had been going off for hours, as well as our friend was doggy sitting we wanted to leave with the 10pm departure. As it was in a park we had to be escorted out as there is no guard on duty so late. On our way out we came eye to eye with a large male eland. A huge grayish antelope which stood looking at me for a few seconds before crashing off into the bush. It was amazing and awe inspiring, just a wonderful end to a wonderful evening.
New years was spent with friends, we had lots and lots of laughs and great wine and plenty of yummy food as we all brought dishes to share. We brought in 2012 with our fab mates and had a day to chill after.
We drove down to spend a few days in George as I wanted to give Trev his pressies and see his and Amber's new home. As Cait and I were cross g paths we decided she could come open them with us. I had also bought Trev a remote control helicopter and he loved it! I was worried he might find it childish but when I saw how much Mr K and Josh enjoyed playing over Christmas I was pretty sure Trev would also enjoy and he did, he had such fun. I got everyone pajamas and other clothes which they all seemed to like. I love giving gifts but always worry they won't like them. I was so impressed with Trev and Amber's little house. It is only 1 bedroom but as a starter home it is wonderful. It has a cute little well developed back garden and a lounge, dining room and kitchen. It is done in soft grey and charcoal with brookie lace along the front guttering. I am pleased seeing him settled and in love....not sure if grandkids are ever on the cards as they both say never. Sigh. I've time to work on em haha.
On the days in between we've been to braais, held a spur of the moment tweetup braai, done dinner at La Mouette with friends, lay by the pool and various other things too many to mention.
I needed this break and I loved having this time alone with Mr K.
I hope you have all had a great holiday break, mine has been fabulous.

The Variety of Life

The last week has been such a hectic week. It is end of year wrap up of most companies so I had 2 year end functions as well as a Christmas party and a night in the casino being entertained by an international comic. I love the fact that we get such a variety of entertainment in Cape Town.

Tuesday we had our book-club Christmas party. We booked at Kitima as it is in Hout Bay and easy for us all to get to, but mostly because it has amazing food and I think was even awarded the ‘Best Asian Food’ Award. The décor and service is brilliant, even when it is rammed full like is always is. The bartender was a bit full of himself and not great on the customer service, he snapped at me when I complained I had been waiting almost half an hour for my cocktail. But the food was good as was the company, we had a lot of laughs.

Wednesday was the end of year party for the company I contract through. It was booked on a small yacht, where we were told we would ‘cruise round the harbor, drop anchor in Camp’s Bay and have lunch’. Sounds divine doesn’t it? It wasn’t anything like that in actuality. We booked the only rubbish weather day of the week. It was a misty drizzly day and the water was very choppy. The driver took off full belt out of the harbor and we bounced and rocked and it was horrid. They seemed to be trying to just take us somewhere, anywhere, and then get us back as quick as possible. We were drenched with sea water, sea sick and sodden. Not pleasant in the least little bit. Why the driver (pilot?) had to go hell for leather I have no idea. No one could stand without holding on and one guy was so sick he spent the whole trip in the loo.

Thursday was our group of mates all off to see Jimmy Carr live at Grandwest Casino. We were all rushing to get there as our group of 14 could not pre-book a table. Seems insane to me, but there you go. So we had a group go ahead and book as big a table as possible. We all squeezed round a table for 10 and threw the food down our necks to make the venue on time. We didn’t have long to wait until the opening act, he was very funny. Of course Jimmy was, but it was a nice treat to get to hear a new local comedian. After the show some of the group went off for drinks but as I had been out late every night we headed home.

Friday was our end of year function with the company where I am currently contracting. We went to Moyo out at Spier wine farm. We had welcoming cocktails in a tree house, then went down to our tables in the tented area. The food was great, the drinks yummy and we all had a lovely afternoon.

We had Lily’s BF down for the weekend, and I wasn’t up to cooking for us all so we ordered in pizzas for the 6 of us and had a chilled out evening at home.

Saturday we were going to put up our Christmas tree and have a braai, but the weather looked a bit iffy so I decided to do homemade burgers. Lily and I made baked potatoes, a big salad and mealies to accompany it, and we had a feast! Nothing fancy, but plenty of food and lovely to have the family all together other than my son.

This is the last week with our visitor from the USA so I decided to treat us all to dinner at somewhere a bit special. I booked a table by the window at Salt. We had been there during the world cup and were very unimpressed with the food then, so most likely would not have gone back but then I heard they had changed their chef and I thought I would give them another chance.

On the day I got a call from the venue asking me to phone and confirm my booking. I missed the call but phoned back and spoke to someone to confirm both the booking and that we were by the window, yet when I arrived I got a bit of snarky attitude from the hostess who said ‘oh so you are here’. As we were there early for our booking, I wasn’t sure what she meant? I said, ‘yes I phoned to confirm as you requested and spoke to a lady with an Asian accent.’ So I asked if we could just have a cocktail as we were a few minutes early and we popped into the bar.

Once our drinks arrived, we went and asked could we be seated and away we went. We asked the waiter what he recommended and he suggested the fillet steak. It appealed to us all and the entire table ended up ordering it. We all asked for it to be medium rare except for Lily who can’t bear her meat even a bit pink.

We ordered a few bottles of wine and sat back to enjoy the lovely sun set and chat. Our waiter was very attentive, but not annoyingly so.

The steaks arrived and all of them except for Lily’s was overcooked. Not a drop of blood or pink to be seen. I said to the waiter they were overcooked and he just looked devastated. I would always send back an undercooked steak, but the idea of wasting 4 beautiful cuts of meat was too much for me to bear. So we ate them, but we all felt a bit cheated. It meant the meat was dry, there was only a dribble of au jus on the plate so even that didn’t save them. We were very disappointed.

The desserts were very nice, other than Mr K. He ordered some sort of vanilla chocolate panacotta stuff flavoured with wasabi. He said all he tasted was wasabi, he expected it to just have a bit as an accent but it was overwhelming. The girls and I had a chocolate crème brulee which was divine so I think he just made a bad choice. Our total bill was almost R2k bucks so I would have preferred to be able to rave about how brilliant the new chef is, but really I can’t in all honesty do so.

So what do you do if you get overcooked meat? Do you send it back and make them worry about the wastage? Or do you avoid making a fuss and just eat it?

I’m always paranoid I get some nasty chef spitting in my food if I complain…

Astral Travel or Just a Nightmare?

I had an interesting conversation with my friend M on the weekend about sleeping and dreaming.

She said that since she has been on these supplements 'prescribed' by this nutritionist she is remembering her dreams. I said that I seldom remember my dreams unless they are nightmares and wake me. She asked me whether I ever have those moments of your body being asleep but your mind being awake and you are struggling to move. I do have those and I told her of a time recently when I was having a bad dream about spirits and ghosts and I was trying to speak but only a loud keening, wailing sound would come out.

This sound was so eerie and horrid that it woke up Mr. Kitten who then thought I was having some sort of a fit. I was aware of the noise I was making, but my body would not move and I could not speak. It was rather terrifying. The dream was terrifying and maybe my psyche was trying to run from it.

She then proposed an alternative possible solution. Could it be Astral Travel?  I do fully believe that the mind is so much more powerful than we can even possibly imagine, that we as humans have either lost, forgotten or suppressed so many of the things which our ancestors learned centuries ago. But could it be that our conscious self has forgotten it but our unconscious mind can still tap into these mysteries, particularly while we are in a state of deep sleep?

I then joked that maybe this is why my body has so many aches and pains, maybe I do not have arthritis at all but my unconscious self is out kicking ass and raising hell while my physical body is having some down time so when I wake I have all the bruises and bangs from my evil twin’s naughty behavior?

Have you ever experienced that feeling of half wake/half sleep when you are having a nightmare and cannot come out of it? Have you ever woken your partner or kids with disturbing sounds while sleeping?

I do believe I have had this experience before. I had an alternative therapy session in London with this chick that had just learned this new therapy. I cannot for the life of me remember what it was called as it was Japanese. Basically it was like Reiki and Aromatherapy and a few other things combined.

She put some oils on several places, my 3^rd eye included. She then started holding her hands over my body and moving them without actually touching me. I went off into what can only be described as a hallucination, but it was as clear and real as if it was happening right then in the same room.

I was walking along a dirt path, I could hear the sound of drums in the distance and as I moved forward I saw a Native American village, tepees, horses, and women and children. No men, which I found interesting. I walked on and an ancient Native American woman with long white hair, dressed in animal skins and beating a drum was in front of me. I was compelled to walk towards her and when I got to her she put her arms around me and said, ‘Welcome Home’. Then all of the women came up and embraced me. I felt such a feeling of warmth and love and peace. She kept repeating ‘Do you know who you are?’. Obviously I don’t!

I love going to psychics. The strange thing is that I have had several psychics say to me that I am a descendant of White Buffalo Woman, who is also known as Menada. Both of my great grandmothers were full blooded Cherokee. I know very little about my heritage as just a few generations back in my bloodline, my family was illiterate. (No comments about my bad grammar and spelling you cheeky fucks, blame the American education system OK?) So very little exists to tell me about them and most of my relatives who could tell me are dead.

My daughter is now studying with a shaman, I know that she has inherited the power of our ancestors. I am glad she is getting the chance to study our history and how to tap into this power.

None of my night travels have taken me back to this village and none of the women (ancestors?) have appeared to me since. I hope that my daughter can open these paths in her own learnings. And I hope someday to again meet White Buffalo Woman.

Everything from Sushi to Opera

After the week I had last week I am so happy my weekend proved to be relatively stress-free!

Friday Mr K had arranged to meet some colleagues at the Hout Bay Harbour Market. As usual it was rammed with people but we managed to get a table outside on the patio so we settled in to listen to the live music and get stuck into the culinary delights. We had a lovely time and didn’t get home terribly late as they were all due at the airport very early to drop the volunteers who were finishing their projects and heading home.

Lily was also working on Saturday morning, and I heard them all trundle off, then I passed back out waking only when the gardener rung the bell. I was so deep asleep it took ages for me to get to the door.

Lily finished work at 12 and when she got home and changed, off we went to China Town. We went to Sake Sushi for their all you can eat special and munched loads of sushi then hit the shops. I managed to get a few more Christmas presents, but the main one I was looking for was a Secret Santa gift for work. I do not know the person whose name I drew at all. This makes it very hard to choose a gift. We are also limited to R100 and there are not a lot of goodies available for that price. So any suggestions by other boy geeks are welcome!

We left there and headed home where we had to jump straight into the shower to get ready for the Stevie Wonder tribute show. Luckily sushi digests quickly so we stopped by Col’Cacchio for pizza before the show and then off we went to the convention centre.

The only reason we attended the show was because one of Mr K’s work contacts asked us to buy some tickets to support his children’s school but I am so glad we went. The main guy did a brilliant Stevie Wonder impersonation, singing most of the favourites. There were 3 women doing back up who also took their turn performing various songs, everything from Aretha’s 'R-E-S-P-E-C-T’ to Beyonce.

The only part I did not enjoy was the comedian who they kept saying was ‘the funniest man in Cape Town’.

He isn’t, especially if you do not speak Afrikaans or are unfamiliar with some of the local slang words. Unfortunately for us, he came on twice. The rest of the audience were roaring with laughter. We just sat there looking confused.

The only other blight on the evening was the annoying fuckwit sitting behind us. He came in and made a show of introducing himself to all of the people on his row. Then he sang in full voice with every single song. I wanted to stab him in his vocal chords but I couldn’t find a pen. I contemplated a quick garroting with the strap on my handbag but felt it might be frowned upon.

When it was intermission he stood up with his back to our row so that his jacket kept brushing over Lily’s head. I kept glaring at him but he was oblivious. He then decided to take off his coat and sit on the back of Lily’s seat. Yes, you heard me right, he actually sat on the back of her seat in the theatre, so that if she turned her face she had a face full of old man ass. I then started to shake with frustration and mutter in a Tourrette Syndrome type way about people being oblivious to other people’s personal space.

Mr K realized I was about to explode cos no one messes with Momma Bear’s cubs so he tapped the guy on his shoulder and said, ‘please get off of her seat.’ He turned around and looked at Lily like she had just been flown in and dropped by a helicopter while he wasn’t looking. I said ‘your arse is in her face!’ and he then got up and shuffled off.

I thought, well in for a penny in for a pound and then started saying loudly I hoped whoever is singing in that loud off key voice would now shut the fuck up so we could hear the actual people we paid to hear. He didn’t let a peep next half. Haha.

In the 2^nd half they had an opera singer who did a faultless rendition of ‘Nessun Dorma’ which brought tears to my eyes. But I am a bit of an opera freak and nothing can move me like a beautifully sung aria.

On Sunday we had planned to meet friends for lunch, but some couldn’t attend so it was cancelled.

As it had turned out to be an incredibly hot day I was happy enough to sleep late, then lie by the pool all afternoon. I read and swam and relaxed all day. Mr K even offered to cook for us! Score.

I invited my friend Mandi to dinner as we haven’t seen each other in a month. We sat outside until the sun went down, drinking wine and chatting, until Mr K called us to eat.

He had made a fabulous dinner. There was a fresh colourful salad to start, then ostrich fillet, Potato Lyonnais, asparagus and rocket for mains. For dessert he made bread and butter pudding, but as I hate raisins he used dried fruit and it was so nice! I am such a lucky girl.

I have to say on a score out of ten this weekend was top of the charts!

Cacophony of Chaos

It is true what they say about time moving quicker the older you get. I cannot believe that it is December already. However I am glad it means the end of Movember as very few men can successfully carry off facial hair. Porn stars and Village People. If you are neither of these…just don’t. Unless it is a soul patch, they make me go weak at the knees for some reason known only to my libido.

My body however is very aware that it is almost holiday time. I am exhausted! My energy levels are low; I am irritable and easily annoyed. Umm actually those last 2 always apply so let’s just wrap it up as I’m tired.

I’ve had a stress-filled week which probably does not help. Mr K had been away and I had been driving my car instead of car pooling with him and I had noticed my clutch was feeling a bit ‘odd’ and I was struggling with gear changes which normally just glide into place. I had even had a brief brake fail while scooting down to the city via Kloof Nek. Luckily I managed to steer it to the curb rather than into the back of the stupid woman who randomly slammed on brakes.

Anyway, on Monday I got into my car and it emitted a squeal like a tortured pig. I looked in my rear view mirror and smoke was billowing out. We decided it was best to not drive it, went to the garage (not sure why we didn’t just ring them) and asked them to come up to collect the car rather. They said it was just the clutch and it would be OK to drive to the garage, so off they went.

Then the next morning, we get in Mr K’s car and head off to work. Sometime in the middle of the night the main road had collapsed into a sink hole. It was a hole the size of a car, so they had closed one lane and had a stop/go system which seemed more stop than go.

We sit through all of that, then he realises he is out of petrol. There are no garages on our way to town, so I always make sure I have petrol before the morning. If I see I am low, I stop on the way home to avoid having to go out of my way.

Obviously, he doesn’t.

So off we trudge to the petrol station. And they can’t get the petrol cap off. Several men try, but it is not budging. Off we go to the garage where my car is being repaired on the other side of Hout Bay. They can’t open it either and every attempt to get through to the Opel dealer resulted in a hang up. He finally gets someone on the phone and they were unable to help. So off we go BACK home again to get the handbook for his car. By now I am ready to kill him. What use is a car handbook at HOME??

By this time the road has been closed to traffic and we have to drive round the other side of Hout Bay to get to our house. It took ages. We get up to the roadblock to find that the traffic cop is sitting in her fecking car in the shade while chaos reigns. We pull out to turn into the closed section of the road as it is the only way to our house. When we entered the intersection there was a car trying to turn over another car, one coming from the closed section and a bike all in the same square of road while this stupid wench sits in the car, not giving a shit or making any attempt to do her job.

We finally get home and he googles it and manages to find where the override for the petrol lock is and sort it out, then we have to fight back through all of this traffic and make it to a petrol station while sitting on empty. By now the lateness, the traffic and my annoyance levels at the cacophony of chaos which has led to a cluster fuck of a morning. Anything which could go wrong had.

Then I finally get to work at 11am and get a call from the garage to say they have taken apart the car and I need a new gear box. FML. It was estimated at 15k rand for the service and repairs. Luckily when I picked it up yesterday it was just under 13k which is still high – but better than what I was expecting.

I guess I should be happy that the universe is once again looking after me, (despite my grumpiness) as the money from our settlement of the lawsuit was deposited this week so I can pay for the car.

I do know that if I let go and trust, I will be given what I need in life. However, letting go of control is not easy for me. It does not come naturally.

I am trying to focus on a fun weekend. Tonight I think we might hit the LookOut Deck for some live music. Now that my design class is finished I get to have a wee bit of a lie in tomorrow. Then when Lily gets home from work we are going to have lunch at the all-you-can-eat sushi place in Chinatown and do a wee bit of shopping for a few more Christmas pressies.

Saturday night we are booked to go to this tribute night for Stevie Wonder by local artists.

We are supporting a friend who is fund-raising for his child’s school by buying a few tickets.

Sunday we have a lunch planned with friends at the Hout Bay Harbour Market – it’s a lovely venue if you have never been there, you must give it a try. I can personally recommend the strawberry daiquiris J