The Door Is Open, the Secrets Are Out

I’ve been reading another book by Brian Weiss on his experiences as a regression therapist and I had a moment of clarity.

I had many while reading his books – but this one really hit me like a beacon shining in my eyes.

Brian talks about the different levels of spirit and that once we are in the spirit world we can manifest in different ways for different purposes to interact with the living, particularly in dreams. I had a flashback to when my Dad passed away. He was only 49, but had several previous heart attacks and was in poor health for several years. Despite this it was still a shock to me when he died suddenly from a stroke. I was living in LA at that time and my Dad was in Georgia where I grew up.

After he died I had such vivid dreams of him every night. I would awake sobbing as it felt as if he was there with me. Each time he came through to me it was the same message, he was laughing and smiling and he seemed so happy. He said to me “But I am not dead, it isn’t true, I am right here still with you.” My Mother also dreamt of him, and she said she was getting the same message from him. We both attributed it to grief, that we did not want him to be gone. But I now see it was his way of comforting us both, telling us that he is happy and free from pain and surrounds us still. I do feel his presence sometimes, I have had some strange things happen and I know they are from the spirit world.

This realisation gave me comfort – albeit over 20 years after his death I finally realised his attempts to interact with me.

The other point Brian discusses is miscarriages. He talks about how the soul chooses who will be their parents at the time of their passing. They evaluate the lessons learned in the last life and know what they need to work on to get to a higher level of consciousness. (Such as greed, dishonesty, addiction etc.) The soul then chooses their next incarnation based on the experience that they need to go through to reach further enlightenment.

He feels that miscarriages are due to the soul not being ready to inhabit that body. A sort of cosmic ‘mistiming’.

This then made me think back to the baby I had miscarried early in my 1^st marriage. We had not been married very long when I discovered I was pregnant. My Dad was very ill at this point as he had just had another heart attack shortly before my wedding. I lost the baby at 6 weeks and was devastated. However I was hopeful that I would fall pregnant again.

This was in April and my Dad then passed on in July. I spent a few months back in Georgia with my Mom and then returned to Los Angeles in August/September. I fell pregnant again in October which uncannily is the same month of my Dad’s birthday. My son was born the following June and from the moment he was born he was wide awake and alert, no crying. The doctor looked him in the eye as he emerged and T looked directly at him with wide dark brown eyes, the doctor then said ‘this is an old soul.’

My son has so many characteristics of my Father. He has a mole in the same spot on his face (one of the characteristics which helps identify the same soul in each incarnation is similarly placed birthmarks). He has some of my Dad’s bizarre eating habits and insomnia. He even has the same hair, thick, black and with a natural wave. (Which to their dismay, neither of my daughters inherited.)

Call me crazy (you wouldn’t be the first and I am confident you won’t be the last), but I feel in my heart that T (my son) is the same soul as my Father and that was why I miscarried. Daddy was still earthbound and not ready to be ‘born’ into his next incarnation.

I then mentioned all of this to my daughter L. I told her about Brian’s analogy of the tree – we are all just leaves on a tree, that tree being just one of many in a forest. The leaves on the same twig as we are have a close soul connection. The leaves on the same tree have a slightly less close soul connection but a connection all the same. And we are then similarly connected to all of the other leaves within the entire forest.

I explained that we then keep repeating our interactions with the same souls in each life, changing genders, changing relationships and family connections. I reminded her of the regression where I recognised that Mr Kitten and I have been married before in at least one previous life. I then mentioned that I was sure that I was married to her father in a previous life – the earliest one I have regressed to so far. I was a slave then and my 1^st husband was beating me in that life the same as he had often beat me in this life.

I mentioned that if a person does not resolve their issues in one life, they then revisit these same issues in their next life. She then said that I needed to resolve my issues with her Father as he has gotten over them. It says so much about my progress that I repressed any comments about him having anything to ‘get over’.

I had never discussed my relationship with her father with my children other than about 10 years ago when T saw me crying after his Dad had thrown me against the wall (many years after the divorce). I told T what had happened in the past. He said he knew his Dad was violent, but this was never mentioned or discussed with my daughters.

L then started crying. I gave her a hug and asked her why she was crying and she said it upsets her to think her Dad had done horrible things to me. I said that was why I wanted C to go for regression therapy as I think she carries trauma from when I was pregnant with her. L then said that she knew that her Dad had kicked me in the stomach while I was carrying C.

L then said to me that she also knew I had an affair when I was married to her Dad. This was her father’s justification for hitting me. I told her that yes I did have an affair. But that did not give him the right to batter me and try to kill me. I told her that no matter what happens in a relationship a man never ever has a right to lay his hands on a woman.

Apparently all of the ‘secrets’ I have avoided telling my children are not secrets at all. Part of me is relieved. I hated having these half-truths and secrets between us. I hope this door that has opened will allow for further healing for our family.