The African Princess

Last night was the Success in High Heels event put on by Xtraordinary Women I attend a few different events, but this is my favourite by far. Gwen is such an amazing women and I admire her dedication to helping other women to grow and to bond and to network.

Last night's event there were so many cosmic connections, too many to go into here (attend an event!). But the one that was just too amazing to not mention is the speaker I was not even really aware she was on the list of speakers. (Isn't that often the way?)

One of the speakers was a story teller. She told us all a story about an African Princess who lived on the savannah. She was in love with a prince and everyone had expected them to live as King and Queen and to rule over the people. However her prince had itchy feet and buggered off, vowing to return in a year.

He didn't. And she cried. Eventually 3 years after he had left, she was visited by a Falcon. The Falcon told her he would fly over the earth and find her Prince. When he did, the prince said he was happy where he was and had no intention of returning.

The Princess did not believe the falcon and she banished him from her land and she continued to mourn and cry from sadness.

3 more years passed and she eventually looked up from her tears and she saw that these tears had created a river, and fish were swimming there, and the river created a lake and people were weaving baskets from the reeds, and there was abundant wildlife from the watering hole and basically an entire new land had grown out of her sorrow.

She then realised that life goes on. And that she was worthy of being the Queen without her Prince. So when her father died she ruled the land and she was a just and fair Queen.

After the story, the storyteller told us to write a note to the princess and tell her why she was worthy to be the Queen.

So I wrote this:
"Dear Princess of the Savannah,
You are worthy because through your heartbreak you have created this new land all to benefit from. You kept your faith in your Prince and your belief in love. But by acknowledging your loss, you opened the door for more life and beauty to grow."

Then at the end of the event, the story teller told us to think of our own most difficult time, where we thought that we might not survive, or where we had a major turning point in our lives. We were to read this note to ourselves - and to realise that we were indeed of value. We are indeed worthy.

I almost cried when I re-read this as it was so applicable to my past.

My heartbreak over the loss of custody of my children and my time away from them allowed me to realise I am strong. If I am able to survive that then I am able to survive anything life may throw at me.

And the bit about my Prince? That is my darling husband 'Mr Kitten' who has always seen through my hard exterior as a protective covering - and known I am soft as butter underneath, who always realises it is my past I am reacting to - not my present.

But the new land I have created? That is me being brave enough to leap over to SA, to forge a new life, create a new home for my daughters to come and live with me now that they are able to choose where to call home.

I know my strengths, I just need to be able to forgive the past which burned me but also forged me into the person I am today.

The Curious Kitten

I'm not the sort of person who asks a lot of questions when I meet people. I may be curious, but I've learned that if I ask questions then people feel the need to do the same. And I have a complicated past. My life reads like a novel. When I let out little snippets of my past, people think I am joking. Or just being dramatic. But nope, that is just my life. I also know that once people start on the path of inquisition, it will be no time at all before it comes out that my children grew up with their father, while I was in Europe, they were here in SA living with their father. And as soon as that part of my story is revealed, the judgment starts. Male or female, they are shocked by this knowledge. And even though they may not say anything at all judgmental, I see it in their eyes. I've seen that look before. In almost everyone's eyes. 'A mother who didn't raise her children? What is wrong with her?' I have a friend I met on Twitter, she doesn't have kids, she never seemingly wanted them. She has never given me that look, she just accepts me at face value. Accepts me for the offbeat, slightly eccentric person I am. And for that, I love her dearly. I don't feel I need to explain the details of why my kids were raised in SA to everyone I meet. It is none of their business. So if you meet me and I don't ask you a lot of questions, it is not that I am not curious, I am. But I know it's a trade off, if you reveal yourself, then you expect the same. And I only give myself away to those I trust. I have women I see regularly who know the minimum about me. I do not trust easily. So if you are one of the people I do decide to trust with my intimacies, I hope you can resist giving me that 'look'. Believe me, you could never judge me as harshly as I judge myself.